We start learning how to be in relationship in childhood, and often, these templates are unhelpful, outdated, and chaotic. We bring what we have endured and observed with us into adulthood, as does our partner. We begin the dance of intimacy with each other. However, due to our relationship histories, and the negative interaction cycles we get into with our partners, many of us have difficulties with trust and expressing soft, clear, vulnerability to those who matter most.
We use Emotionally Focused Therapy to create a safe and protected environment for unraveling the complexities of your relationship dance. Here’s why we use it:
- Emotionally Focused Therapy is the gold standard of couple therapy, using empirically-validated data. 70% of couples who receive EFT couple therapy display complete recovery from marital distress. 95% of the time there is improvement. It is helpful with those who are married, newly together or in a longstanding arrangement, and those considering separation or divorce but wanting to try therapy first.
- Emotional stuck points – not feeling connected, not trusting, or not feeling safe or secure with the other partner – are common to relationship distress and can challenge couples in finding intimacy and growth. Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a roadmap for transforming these relational obstacles into opportunities for vulnerability and connection. EFT targets the emotional bond of the couple, whereas other models of couples therapy focus on behaviors or communication techniques.
- EFT does not take sides. Often couples think that the therapist is going to define who is right and who is wrong, but EFT is not a judge. EFT looks at the dance, the role each person plays in getting disconnected, and how to change the music.
- You have it in you. We are wired for love and connection, and we have research that shows that we have someone to turn to when life is stressful, we are better able to manage the difficulty.
- We build from the bottom up. We are all sensitive, vulnerable beings, and sharing those tender parts are what build connection. In a relatively short time, couples begin to recognize and eventually express their needs for love, support, protection, and comfort that are often hidden or disguised by the harsh or angry words used in repetitive self-defeating patterns of conflict or arguments with each other. Partners begin to “listen with the heart,” one of the cornerstones of EFT – which means listening not for the literal meaning of a partner’s words, but for the feelings that lie beneath. In return, the other partner is better able to respond from their heart in kind. This building of a “safe haven” in your relationship is the emotional focus of our work.
- EFT can and does heal couples after an affair or other betrayal.
For therapy to be effective, it is imperative that both partners are present for each appointment; please bear this in mind when scheduling. Sessions are recorded in order to track progress over time and for use in supervision; they are kept confidential within the practice and destroyed after use. This process will be reviewed in depth with your therapist.