We start learning how to be in relationship in childhood, and often, these templates are unhelpful, outdated, and chaotic. We bring what we observed with us into adulthood, as does our partner. We begin the dance of intimacy with each other. However, due to our relationship histories, and the negative interaction cycles we get into with our partners, many of us have difficulties with trust and expressing emotion to those who mean the most to us.
We use Emotionally Focused Therapy to create a safe and protected environment for unraveling the complexities of your relationship dance. Emotional stuck points – not feeling connected, not trusting, or not feeling safe or secure with the other partner – are common to relationship distress and can challenge couples in finding intimacy and growth. Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a roadmap for transforming these relational obstacles into opportunities for vulnerability and connection.
In a relative short time, couples begin to recognize and eventually express their needs for love, support, protection, and comfort that are often hidden or disguised by the harsh or angry words used in repetitive self-defeating patterns of conflict or arguments with each other. Partners begin to “listen with the heart,” one of the cornerstones of EFT – which means listening not for the literal meaning of a partner’s words, but for the feelings that lie beneath. In return, the other partner is better able to respond from their heart in kind. This building of a “safe haven” in your relationship is the emotional focus of our work.
Emotionally Focused Therapy is the gold standard in relationship therapy, using empirically-validated data. EFT appears to move couples from distress to recovery for 70-75% of cases, and creates improvements in 90% of couples coming in for therapy. EFT has been used with many different types of couples in private practice, university training centers, and hospital clinics. It is beneficial for those who are of the same sex or heterosexual, partnered or married, newly together or in a longstanding arrangement, and those considering separation or divorce but wanting to try therapy first.
For therapy to be effective, it is imperative that both partners are present for each appointment; please bear this in mind when scheduling.